D3f1n1t10n: My Bloggy spott

2012-02-08T16:39:00.002+08:00

Hi! It's been so long since I've last blogged!

Life has been treating me somewhat well, what with great CNY celebrations, reading week in a week's time and etc.

Sorry about not blogging recently, I will blog soon again! (lessons now, haha)

2012-01-04T20:14:00.002+08:00

i actually typed a whole bunch of things to be thankful for,

but i would just wanna say that 2011 has been most awesome for me.

and i'm so thankful for everything:

my family
my old and closest friends
my housemates (who are in the above category as well...)
my clique of friends in london
my new friends
uni
teaching
army (for letting me go)

so a simple post like this would suffice for me.

i'm not hoping for this year to be even better, i'm just hoping that this year to be as awesome as last year's :)

oh btw i do have some new year resolutions...but i wont type it out here haha.

2011-12-28T19:27:00.001+08:00

无求甚么无寻甚么
突破天地但求夜深
奔波以后能望见你
你可否知道么

平凡亦可平淡亦可
自有天地但求日出
清早到后能望见你
那已经很好过

当身边的一切如风是你让我找到根蒂
不愿离开只愿留低情是永不枯萎

而每过一天每一天这醉者
便爱你多些再多些至满泻
我发觉我最爱与你编写
以后明天的深夜

而每过一天每一天这醉者
便爱你多些再多些至满泻
我最爱你与我这生一起
那惧明天风高路斜

名是甚么财是甚么
是好滋味但如在生
朝朝每夜能望见你
那更加的好过

当身边的一切如风是你让我找到根蒂
不愿离开只愿留低情是永不枯萎

而每过一天每一天这醉者
便爱你多些再多些至满泻
我发觉我最爱与你编写
以后明天的深夜

而每过一天每一天这醉者
便爱你多些再多些至满泻
我最爱你与我这生一起
那惧明天风高路斜

而每过一天每一天这情深者
便爱你多些再多些然后再多一些
我最爱你与我这生一起
那惧明天风高路斜

2011-12-14T06:54:00.001+08:00

i really really really really really miss playing the horn. grr.

ps: i only put the 3rd movement here but the whole song of inn of sixth happiness is my favourite hahaha <3

2011-12-12T00:07:00.003+08:00

time really passes by quickly here.

like how it's already been 3 weeks since i last blogged.

yup, i'm taking a break now after studying! and i'll be returning to my ~~lovely~~ notes to mug again for the upcoming tests on tuesday and thursday.

and next week i'll be off to italy! ahh can't wait.

but meanwhile, i kind of actually savour these moments of studying alone here in starbucks and listening to songs. i know i'm ENFP and all that stuff, but i think i've really grown to like being by myself sometimes, and boring grownup stuff like sitting down in the park to read a book (which i would have condemned if it were 3 years back or something).

is this part of the growing process here in london? sometimes i really marvel at the decision i made, that i was ready to put down everything in singapore to lead a whole new life in london. i do miss the life back in singapore, but i love the life here even more.

if i'm not on scholarship, would i choose to lead a life here? hmm if i could tweak certain situations, yeah i would. it's really a lot more relaxing, and there's no rat race here (well, less of a rat race)

in fact, lately i took part in a consultancy competition with kheexuan and it made me really consider several other career options other than teaching. it's not that i've never considered other careers other than teaching (which includes psychologist, busdriver, lawyer and doctor), but i guess this competition really kind of hit me at what i might be missing out.

but then again, what would i miss out if i'm not a teacher?

what would i do after the bond's over?

life's really a big mystery here, and though on one hand i'm kind of envious at what my friends are doing right now (internships with consultancy firms, career seminars etc.), on the other hand i'm really happy that i do have a job waiting for me in singapore, and a job that i really love,

in other news that doesn't involve livinginlondon, myteachingcareer (which i seem to blog about alldaylong nowadays), the ucl singsoc was elected the other day, and it made me wonder if i'm doing much about my uni life. there's all those hype about how much difference you can make to your uni life and stuff, and i'm just thinking if i would do the same for myself.

right now, i can name quite a few things that i would like to change, but am i being too idealistic for that?

arghh i hate occupying my mind with these kind of thoughts. it must be melvinwan's fault, he's been talking all these psycho shitz all day long.

anyhow, back to studying. tata.

ps: if you guys like errr creepy psychology videos, check out this guy called darren brown or something. check the video "the heist" it's quite wtf. lol.

pps: i just re read this blog post and i do sound very incoherent. sorry about that nowadays my mind's pretty much jumbled up.

2011-11-18T16:51:00.002+08:00

in lieu of my upcoming birthday, i've decided to stalk my primary school students for about 10 minutes (act yi ge grownup),

and yes, they've been playing BACKYARD MONSTERS.

what was i doing at their age???? UH honestly speaking at primary 3 i was at mee toh, and since the school was like really tiny (like pretty much my chemistry building was the entire primary school), no one was allowed to run during recess (which really just leads to a huge bunch of fat kids). being the innovative boy at creating games (and i still am, as my friends would say), i created this brisk-walking game (trying to be witty here), and it failed obviously. but we still played it nonetheless. oh yes and we played police and thief, just that the playing area was at the police station (where the policemen caught the thieves and brought them there), and not beyond 3m of the police station. the policemen still lost to me though, cos i invented the skill that thieves could say "twist". hahahahaha.

i like my childhood, and in fact i would like to write more about it someday, but i have to go for lessons. haha.

2011-11-15T18:34:00.002+08:00

i actually dream a lot here in london, like i would actually remember what dream i had for that night.

and therefore, i'm actually quite excited to go to sleep at night.

so far the dreams i've had included: walking along the edge of the building without falling off, being back in singapore, fighting crime as a policeman etc.etc.

okay that's kinda random. ahh okay it's like 20 min more to lessons, and that's like the first lesson after reading week (or the lack thereof for my case).

i actually enjoyed my reading week very much, even though i didn't get to go anywhere (many thanks to the chemistry department). it was a great time to relax, recharge, and bla.

am i becoming more pc in my post?

ahhhh anyhow, i really am glad for the friends here heh. especially the merged superfriendsgoodfriends clique :D (yes benten it's also known as SEAN'S PARTY with restricted access for the ugly).

but at the same time, i'm getting a little tired though :/ tired of trying to stay ahead of the lessons, and trying to get top marks etc. okay thou shalt not phail.

AND i blame the gloomy weather. the sun sets at 4.30pm and it makes me so tired i just wanna nap :/ but so far the weather's been hovering at about 10 or so, but that still means i need my winter boots and coat ASAP. halpppp.

anyhow friends in singapore i miss you guys man skype soon please. x

and good luck for your upcoming examinations!

2011-10-29T22:24:00.003+08:00

sorry!

been so busy (yeah right) that i forgot to blog heh.

well this is the first saturday i'm staying at home! (to mug the stupid español and do lab report) hahaha so i decided to blog!

london has been as usual, awesome.

i think what i like about this place is that the education is alot more slow-paced as compared to singapore, so for the singaporean for me, it's a great place hahahah i can finish assignments one week earlier than the deadline (like now i'm doing the lab report due on friday ahhaha). and you still get to whirl away your weekends (which i think i've whirled away every week in a row hahaha).

cooking is more or less a daily affair now, especially when my beloved mum's parcel from singapore has arrived and the rice cooker and stuff have arrived! yay i'm starting to cook less raw food, and more edible ones HAHAHA. dont believe try my bread and butter pudding sometime soon eh chungyan said it was not bad.

well while i'm blogging i'm actually listening to some jay chou song, lol random. but anw so far the homesickness hasn't hit me so i think it's not going to hit me anymore?? hahahhaa ah well the only time that i genuinely felt sad and homesick was when my mum sent the stuff over, and i saw so much stuff that she painstakingly packed, like squeezing some random thread and string. i really am a mummy's boy leh, sigh but how not to be one when your mum is so awesomeee!!! miss her sian.

thank God really that things have still been going well for me, and i'm at the stage where i'm whining that my lab reports are A+ instead of A++, i'm really thankful that i made this decision to come here.

btw, to all those people who intend to go overseas for the "overseas experience of no singaporeans", let me tell you MOST OF THE TIME, that's a freaking dream. you will always connect better with the singaporean than the overseas fellow, just saying. hahahaha it's only like if you're like me (the only singaporean in the course) will you have to force yourself to go mingle with the brits. if not you'll just stay in your comfort zone, cos seriously, it's 10000000000000 times easier. come on, even the uk asians here dont really wanna talk to you.

anw yeah speaking of coursemates, thank God that i have FRIENDS. LOL. i was expecting myself to be a lonely chink in the course (which i think i'm kinda am) but luckily there are friendly brits that i can make friends with and joke sometimes. hahahaha trust me, laughing at the fact that i'm chinese (like teaching them a few phrases in chinese) is like the best way to break the ice hahaha.

and lastly, i'm thankful especially for my flatmates junjie and weixin. and even the friendly brits like joe and jessie that really make life so much easier here.

in conclusion, I AM WELL so whoever that actually cares, dont worry heh.

OH PS: MUSICALS ARE AWESOME. okay we will rock you sucked actually imho (considering i fell asleep) but wicked is freaking good. i love london just for the fact that they still have their musicals.

PPS: shit i realised i blogged in really broken english, hahahahha but i dont usually talk/write like that here okay. dont judge. zz

tata!

2011-10-04T23:43:00.002+08:00

was trying to get a good start on school by reading ahead.

guess what? lecturer actually took down the slides from the moodle (that's IVLE in sg terms) so now i can't see anything except my handout that is filled with gaps of information.

you know like when you were in jc, teachers put missing words in the notes for you to fill in? yep that's what i get too dont worry.

anyhowww. oh yeah i was being a chink today (yet again). i thought my spanish class started today so i went to the language centre, only to find out that it was going to start next week instead. the lady told me "cool down young man you sound as if you want the lessons to start already"

yesyesyes fine i need to chill.

i'm just blogging because there's still time...

oh wait. yes CCA. hahahaha i signed up for lots of shit but i doubt i'm going for...any? hahahaha i think it might take too much time! :( but i did sign up for dodgeball hahahaha seems quite fun leh wenyuan says it's like waterpolo omgwtfggbbq cos i'm like a clumsy tard that can't throw a ball properly sianmax.

TML is my first musical: We Will Rock You! hahahaha can't wait xoxo watching with BAND+CALVIN bwahahahaha.

2011-09-30T04:20:00.003+08:00

i seriously think that a mixture of london + uni life is too much of a change sometimes.

it's no longer about just picking subjects or whatever just because "everyone is doing it", but you're actually picking modules of interests and stuff.

like today, i finalised my module of spanish. lol wth right? like i'm actually going to get examined and tested for spanish. what if i'm not proficient at the subject or something? argh. but alas i think it's impt not to think too much about it...

i think it's really true that your best friends have already been made in junior college and high school. i'm just so damn thankful right now that at least i still have junjie, kheexuan, weixin, cheryl, jo etc. people who are still supporting me.

in other news, i just cooked pasta today. our pan was SERIOUSLY TOO SMALL i could cook no shit manz. in the end the pasta was bland and i had to season ketchup with the aglio olio. lol such is the way of life for student-cooking.

lecture tml AGAIN sianz and junjie has nothing. hahahaha it's fresher's fayre tml really contemplating if i should be doing any other activities. I SHOULD BE CHALLENGING MYSELF RIGHTTTT. ah well join first talk later la hahaha.

oh BTW i'm the only chinese-chinese in my course. everyone's brit-something. it's quite intimidating sometimes, especially when i'm talking to them. argh sometimes subconsciously even adopting somewhat of an accent. hahahahahaha gg.

okay back to modern family. next week is real school work starting. bleargh holiday over.

2011-08-29T23:43:00.002+08:00

it's monday, 3 days after i sent weiguo off at the airport.

to the best friend i've known for the past 4 years,

to the best friend that has been the nicest to everyone,

to the best friend that always replied my retarded messages with equally retarded ones,

to the best friend that is always self-righteous and ALWAYS lectures me on being a good person,

to the best friend that always looked out for me when i was in trouble,

to the best friend that always looked for me when he was in trouble,

to the best friend that studied, played and did everything with me,

to the best friend that was always a pillar of support,

to the best friend that i couldn't bear to say goodbye to,

know that you're terribly missed here in singapore, especially by the bestie here.

2011-08-22T21:15:00.004+08:00

staying here and flying off.

staying here: it's about

close comfortable friends that have stuck it out with you for 6-8 years already

being with your family

the familiar safe environment of Singapore

knowing the culture and laughing at those weirdos who just dont seem to get Singlish

home

flying off: it's about

awkward circumstantial friends

skyping the family at weirdest times of the day (their 8am against your 12am)

entering a more unknown, darker environment of London

the culture differences and being laughed at by nasty people who do not understand your accent

change

sometimes i wonder why i'm flying to London in the first place :/

2011-08-07T02:08:00.003+08:00

sometimes i just wonder why i care so much about people who dont really care about themselves anyway.

it's so me to do something like that.

sean, sean.

thank God there are people worth caring for :)

2011-07-18T13:46:00.001+08:00

hahaha today's like the second official day of my work here at hwachong.

anw so just babysat two classes and that was it!

awesome man.

while watching 2012 (played it for the class apparently for discussion later), was wondering what i would really do had i been in the same situation, knowing that i was about to die in probably an hour's time.

kinda made me reflect on death and dying a little :/

2011-07-08T10:47:00.002+08:00

okay before i actually forget about this whole camp altogether.

well recently i went for the moe camp.

and actually tbh i had fun! not so much cos of the programmes but more of the fact of the people.

i'm not being cheesy or anything but it's really encouraging to know that there are people out there like me who genuinely wanted this scholarship cos they wanted to make a difference to the education system. no doubt this is when the critics will jump in and say "YOU'LL NEVER MAKE A DIFFERENCE" but nonetheless it's the hope of many.

in fact, during the first day, i was already thinking that some people would be rather lacklustre in the orientation but in the end everyone was equally shameless! hahahaa no wonder no photos the public will seriously have much to say about loud scholars hahahaha.

in any case back to the teaching thing, i'm just glad that there are people in it together with me. as much as it sounds silly, the last day of reflection meant quite a lot to me. esp when everyone went up to share about the teaching thing, i really have to agree with them.

teaching is a calling, not a job. nowadays you have to educate, entertain, counsel, event manage etc. it's really so much more to be a teacher. at least to me la. really takes more than just your determination to get to the end of the day. it's all about the passion in teaching!

well this camp really got to me and i'm more than ever certain on taking up this route.

2011-06-22T23:32:00.002+08:00

hahahaha wthh do i really sound like that? so high pitched one arh.

I MISS CHEM LAB ): and i miss my friends being my classmates ): wenyuan's copying, shiwei's whines, kangjie's answers, ~~dardar's kisses~~ jared's endless ~~dumb~~ questions!

dont we all miss school ): time really flies by AND THAT SUCKS.

2011-06-13T22:57:00.002+08:00

transferring files from com to laptop always somehow leads to some nostalgic recollections of the past.

but enough about that.

today had the stupid acca invigilation and a few dumb things happened that made me pissed :/

1) my partner sucked. altho she did her job and everything, i just didn't like her. lol okay i sound retarded.

2) the aunty selling dessert. i was buying some chendol from her (yeah i know fattening right) so after she prepared it was just plain ice on top. so i VERY NICELY ASKED HER about the condensed milk aunty ah ni3 you3 mei2 you3 fang4 condensed milk ah and that woman actually answered me with "oi you nv stir and see first meh. stir then ask la" how RUDE IS SHE???? she COULD have SIMPLY said "yes, i put the milk" BUT NOOOOO she has to be some total bitch about it. arghhhh

but thankfully for me, it's the last second day of ACCA. i can't imagine doing this for a month so a big round of applause to the presiding examiner Pearl Phoon (the name already suggests that she's a bitch right??)

more about her next time. time to transfer music and stuff! (oh btw the transfer speed btween my harddisk and macbook is FAST)

2011-06-12T00:37:00.002+08:00

i promised to update today leh.

yeah so anw i got myself a new laptop hahahaha the macbook pro.

and despite various arguments (for and against) i still went ahead with it la since i wanna use up the grant anw hahahaha. also installed the parallel thing to run windows OS too hahahahahaa.

argh sorry i actually want to blog but something's on my mind now :/ sigh.

nxt time. btw tmr is vertical marathon ahahhaa support me pls.

2011-01-24T20:19:00.002+08:00

i just wrote a birthday card for mummy and i felt quite overwhelmed by it :/

in fact i'm going to dedicate this blog post to her.

my mum is a damn zhai woman, and i'm not kidding.

she's damn cool about stuff, like my friends drinking (and puking) in my house, cooking stuff for my friends, going overseas (other than the random outbursts of dangerous sea sports and bombs in thailand)

she gives me a damn lot of freedom. i can go whenever i like wherever i want to go so long as i TELL HER BEFOREHAND (which sometimes i forget boohoo)

she braved cancer and surgery and came out an even stronger woman.

she braved ridicule and shame when that nonsense came about.

she brought me up by herself through my years of secondary school onwards.

she makes the time to always talk to me and to always give me a hug and a kiss on my cheek when i'm down and out (i know i'm a baby boyyy)

she loves my brother and i equally

she sacrifices everything for her family (she saves money by bringing leftover food to school for lunch)

she respects my privacy

she's very understanding about stuff

she groomed me academically to study in chinese high

and lots of other stuff that i can't really remember right now.

but most importantly

she loves me more than herself.

so the next time when i feel pissed with her, i'm going to read this blog post to remind myself what an awesome woman she is, and how much i love this woman as my mum. (:

hope u guys feel the same love towards your mums too!

2011-01-19T09:39:00.001+08:00

oh man this wisdom tooth thing is really a bitch. unlike the last time round when it was smooth sailing, i shouldn't say this one is painful.

it's more like a really messy affair.

there's bloodstains like everywhere around my teeth argh.

and my mum definitely aided in the process. she made me eat cake 3 hours after the operation. thanks mum!

anyhow, i'm just sianned by this. okay hope the bleeding has stopped :/

2011-01-12T13:59:00.003+08:00

so anyway, ytd was some parade.

i'm not going to explicitly give names as to who was involved, or what event was going on. well cos i think i dont wanna get into trouble.

okay but just note that it's supposed to be a "somewhat" big thing.

k anw.

so my bosses were damn uptight about the entire thing. the font used in the seating arrangement...whether it was parallel to the door when it was pasted...

omg i would go crazy if i had to do this repeatedly with these same bosses.

of course i understand that they would find the need to impress the new big boss, but alas PLEASE PLEASE do not drag us (poor n*fs) into this whirlpool of lunacy. for example, isit not enough to place ONE seating arrangement at the door? must there be like 5 in the room itself?!

andandand. what's with punctuality. on invitation, we received constant replies that "yeah sure sir i will come! this is especially important to me!! :)" in the end, they turned up like 1 hour late (or not turn up at all). and it's not just the bigshots (which is btw damn rude even if you're a bigshot, afterall we placed you in the first row and now you don't wanna come), it's also those small shits that just walk in late as if they own the damn place.

lol. i honestly hope the next organisation i join would not reflect the very same i am in. argh.

anyway kudos to myself this is gonna be the last big event here. haha i'm somewhat ambivalent about joining as a relief teacher. hahaa if it's really like how i work here, i can just flip and die.

2011-01-02T14:15:00.002+08:00

okay blog has not died okay.

it's just that the past month has been really exciting, what with me having my mc and clearing my leave and having the entire december free :D

anddd as per usual, here's my EOY speech.

2010 was to me a year of pondering and thinking. about friends, about your family, and about other stuff. and in fact it was quite an exciting year.

i started off the year with my stint at airshow, a memory that i'll NEVER forget. that is true army to me: dealing with something realtime, something that is actually significant.

following which was transiting to SAS, where I got to know some good buddies over there to talk to and to hang around with.

this year during june, i had my 2nd un-parented holiday with the 4A peeps to hk.

and of course countless meetings with all my friends.

this year as well, was when i...

mmmmm

suffice to say, it is (i think) one of the rare times when i feel happy that the new year has begun. (and that i did not grimace that nothing came out of 2010 because something did).

the new year is a fresh and exciting one: i'll be ORDing (like finally), finding a job, going back to the adult phase of pre-enlistment (hopefully without the acne) and starting my new phase of life in university.

sometimes i get freaked out that this is not the direction towards i'm heading to, but with fear comes the excitement, something like when the rollercoaster is heading up before the plunge and you have no idea what's coming after.

lastly, i would like to especially thank God. not going to pen down reasons here.

dedicated to a happier year ahead!

2010-11-24T08:44:00.001+08:00

so long since i last blogged!

hahha anyway if anything, life is good now (:

i planned out the dec leave and it looks AWESOME. (but stupid duty clerk made me duty on a sunday knnbccb)

heh. now i'm just slacking in office cos boss isnt around! hahaha.

sometimes i think this environment really reflects that of the society. haha. u know all the bootlicking, backstabbing and all that stuff. well as an nsf i receive it on a less regular basis but as a third party, i have a clear perspective of what's happening amongst the regulars. well well.

in other news.

a glimmer of hope.

2010-11-04T12:17:00.002+08:00

So lately, been wonderin

Who will be there to take my place

When I'm gone, you'll need love

To light the shadows on your face

If a great wave should fall

It would fall upon us all

And between the sand and stone

Could you make it on your own

If I could, then I would

I'll go wherever you will go

Way up high or down low

I'll go wherever you will go

And maybe, I'll find out

The way to make it back someday

To watch you, to guide you

Through the darkest of your days

If a great wave should fall

It would fall upon us all

Well I hope there's someone out there

Who can bring me back to you

Runaway with my heart

Runaway with my hope

Runaway with my love

I know now, just quite how

My life and love might still go on

In your heart and your mind

I'll stay with you for all of time

If I could turn back time

I'll go wherever you will go

If I could make you mine

I'll go wherever you will go

just say the word.

2010-11-02T07:10:00.002+08:00

watched this awesome drama series on duty today.

the idea of such a fairytale-like ending nv failed to enchant me. and sometimes i just wonder why i can't reach the idea afterall.

yet at the same time, i know i must be thankful for the here and now.

in any case, nowadays we're having the maplestory craze (amongst my friends and i) AND I SWEAR THIS SHIT IS CRAZY. we keep spamming the playing from like 6pm-12am la i have no motivation to do anything else at all :P:P ahhhh my warrior is damn hard to play sometimes la mayb i should switch to something easier like a mage or something eh? hahaha okay nvm.

without knowing it, (or mayb WITH knowing it), i'm about to ORD in like 3 months time! ahhaa but my friends and i agree that there should be NO slack period after ORD to relax, pretty much because now it's the SLACK PERIOD NAO. ahhahahahhaa which i have to agree :P well if it goes well we might even have work together!

ciao!

2010-10-07T22:53:00.002+08:00

i'm on duty (again).

okay but it's ending it's ending i have like ehhhh 5 more duties to ORD :D

so anyway tday was a MUNDANE DAY...

i hate days when i have the (even more) mundane stuff to do, which is already much more mundane than the stupid mundane stuff.

get what i mean?

okay think sitting at the computer and typing out some stuff printed on the paper on the computer instead.

for 3 frigging hours. and not to boast but i can touch type so my typing speed should be rather fast already.

as my colleague and i were discussing during breakfast, the work we do is so frigging boring. sometimes i see my bosses and stuff, how they see each batch of nsfs pass and go pass and go, and how they are still doing the same thing over and over again, really makes me wonder how they feel each time a batch ORDs.

then again i'm thinking the same thing is probably going to happen to me when i'm a teacher sighhxzxzzxzxzz. i'm like going to see jc kids graduate, go to uni, and probably obtain the same qualifications as me while i JUSTTTT KEEEEPP TEACHINGGG.

lol.

hahahaha i think the 4A guys are staying over at my house tmr. :O this should be fun, considering i'm going to see wenyuan for the first time after. HAHAHA.

cheers.

2010-10-06T14:07:00.003+08:00

HELLO.

what a weird time to blog eh? it's like 1400 (after lunch and stuff) and i'm blogging.

hahaha a while ago i actually wanted to blog this out.

last sunday i was just reading through someone's blog, and i realised how much I have changed over the years (weird that i would find out about myself through someone else's blog right).

regardless, i guess change is afterall inevitable.

i think i've become less emotional and more logical.

which is a good thing and a bad thing looking at it from different angles. but ah well.

and i like to type in this stupid sentence by sentence format now! different sentences different points to make la eh? hahaha

okay since someone highlighted that i dont talk about my life anymore...here's what i did up till now.

8am-9am: report for work and met weiguo on the staircase coincedentally hahaha
9am-10am: breakfast
10am-11am: inet
11am-11.30am: slacking
11.30am-1.15pm: gym
and so far i've been in the staff lounge ^^

HAHAHA so much for telling my other friends "i can't wait to ORD and start slacking"

IRONIC MUCH.

okay i think i'm getting too overboard with the slacking time to go back to my desk and do some mundane stuff.

HAHAHHAHAHHA =D cheers guys.

2010-09-28T07:27:00.003+08:00

I HATE DUTY!!!!

sucks man i'm always like shagged to the max whenever i do this shit.

lol in fact i can't even rmb much to what i did ytd night hahahaha. vaguely recall watching some television and stuff.

YAWN.

2010-09-27T19:56:00.002+08:00

alas a new post while i'm doing duty!

today was crappy i had to endure some whining and stuff at work and if you must know only I CAN WHINE NOBODY ELSE WHINES it's damn irritating unless i'm the one doing it (: hahahaha.

regardless, it's one more graduation ceremony down so i'm left with 3 more to my ORD! ahhaha.

speaking of which, sometimes i wish i could understand myself a little more. i guess sometimes we really dont follow what we actually want, and in our minds we psycho ourselves into thinking that it is actually the right decision.

ah well, i wanna go out next week! jiawei is FINALLY back hahahaha. oh yes which makes a complete band outing? hahahah.

meanwhile in other news, i bought artemis fowl new book and i'm finally getting like 0.0000001% sian of backyard monsters. though i'm still going to play it.

like right now or something.

2010-09-22T23:41:00.002+08:00

hmm. upon request to blog today, i actually posted at my private blog first haha. okay la.

well today was like k-boxing day with andrea, cindy and tweiguo31. HAHA. the last time i went there was with like ernest chungyan and jiawei. and the band ppl can be quite crazy at times eh =)

oh yeahh old white town coffee is not like the best in coffee btw.

it's like sometimes u expect the coffee to be good just because u add like some sort of name to it. like..."hongkong cafe signboard coffee" (pls translate that to chinese)

brand names can be so deceiving sometimes.

this is totally not random. i meant to write this to direct this at something else.

oh yeah, the guy who said i cmi (read previous entry) ORD-ed ytd. i can't believe i actually bothered to shake his damn hand. srsly. okay not for the fact he makes fun of me, but just for the fact he makes a lot of noise.

after this batch is nov batch (weiguo's batch) then it's mine! WHEEEE. aiya okay la dun say too soon la huh.

and yet of course, i'm really enjoying my life. i have decent army friends and a great great bunch of friends. army is fun army is cool army really really rocks my shoes. poem!

HAHAHAA. okay i thought of some weird things that i haven't really ventured to do:
1. watch like an actual horror movie (have done that but that was so long ago) NO CHANGI HOSPITAL NONSENSE HEH)
2. fly kite
3. lup sup karaoke (no i dont mean the extra services)
4. baking/cooking (die i heard this skill adds a +10000000000 to your hotness level when you're overseas)
5. act atas (eat equinox and stuff not just calvin's typical eatshootpost :P)

add more when i feel like it lol. tired liao and as you can see from above my thoughts are really very jumbled up. NIGHT.

2010-09-16T22:54:00.000+08:00

i forgot to blog this.

it only took me like, one afternoon talking cock with nigel before going back to office to notice the big difference between my army friends and the friends outside. haha.

2010-09-04T10:20:00.002+08:00

there's always the 1 or 2 films that you especially like, or you crave for.

while organising my stupid files in the harddisk, i of course came across mine which is the lakehouse!

haha ironically it was the first show i ever watched with a girl alone, so.

i always found it super romantic when they wrote to each other, yet did not meet each other at all. we're nt talking about penpals here, we're talking about 2 ppl who acknowledge the fact that they are 2 years apart, not 2km apart.

and of course the last part was damn sad when i thought that keanu reeves was going to die cos of the twist and irony of it all.

lakehouse might not be like the oscar-dominating award, but it sure kept my attention (:

and of course on a more ironic note, i'm watching haunted changi today with the 4A peeps lol cool way of spending money. so much for "movies you especially crave for".

2010-08-30T15:43:00.002+08:00

people who know me should know what i do in army.

so therefore when ppl always make fun of me and my clerkwork, i dont really mind cos we just laugh it off and i laugh at myself sometimes.

now what i can't stand actually is when clerks in other branches do it in a vindictive manner.

for e.g. i was quite offended at this remark:

"if sean gets LOA i'm seriously going to jump off the roof wtf man"

okay the point is not about me getting the loa. seriously i dont care lol. in fact i'm going to forget whatever i did in army, and if i REALLY were forced to recall anything that happened in army, it would definitely not be what is happening now.

the point is that the person who made the statement is an asshole that takes mc every monday, sleeps during work at some corner, and doesn't do anything else actually.

AND yet dares to make this kind of caustic remark. i was barely holding my temper in for this.

and it's not even in a funny/joking manner. it's in a serious wtf-i-despise-you sort of manner.

everyone is an nsf and we have to serve this shit together anyways, we should try to be harmonious and everything what, what is the point for putting other people down, making them feel pissed and angry, makes life difficult for everyone what.

sigh.

but yet it's precisely army where you meet like, seriously the worst people ever and of course the best people ever. it's all about learning to make friends with those great people and try to avoid the worst people.

okay tata. ranted done!

2010-08-19T05:23:00.002+08:00

i assure you this is insane.

it's freaking 5.23am and i'm blogging. eh wait okay for the record i'm awake in camp doing duty right now.

this is because of some stupid miscommunication and the poor om clerk and TSWC clerk has to help training branch do stuff. many thanks of course goes out to the regulars for their good planning and great strategies.

okay so the point is i nv blog for a long time already la.

well between july 16 and now there seriously isnt' much difference (sadly) except for the ORD countdown of course :P

then again okay la i sense that there are some hidden problems here and there between...

ah nvm.

these few days i've been quite optimistic, despite this ungodly hour to wake up to open the building, 2 duties back to back, and of course social tension within the ns friends group.

which i think that in a (clerk) unit like mine, it's rather hard to get close to your colleagues, simply for the fact that there's no camaradarie, nor strong bonds being forged. but then again, in army, most of the time, what's interesting is when we are forced, or obliged to make friends to keep up man's social behaviour.

i'm quite interested to find out if i would still be meeting my army friends for tea or something after service. ahahhaha.

:O which somehow with no link, i'm thinking how to plan the leave and etc.

currently 11 days, and i have to remove my wisdom teeth, so that's another week. hmm. pepole who have the same amount of leave then i, pls tell me how to spend it!!

2010-08-01T10:30:00.002+08:00

OH AND I FORGOT TO SHARE THIS.

i really had a dream in a dream. wtf i wanted to blog this the day i had the dream (2 days ago) but i forgot X_X now i totally forgot what the dream was about liao zzzz

and there really is the kick to get my out of the second dream! haha

2010-08-01T10:23:00.003+08:00

i think it's a tough time to be living in our generation. dont get me wrong man i dont deny there are a lot of conveniences and what not, but things are alot more complicated.

famous examples.

agreeing to meet at a certain place till one hour before someone texts you (doesn't even need to talk to you on the phone or something) that he/she cannot make it.

this texting thing is like a whole new platform of communication (not that we already do not know that)

you can use it to jio someone, break up with someone, heck even propose via sms. and of course wtf sexting?! seriously i dont even understand how's that going to work but anw.

a guy now has to access his girlfriend's every single need lol. OR we're just male chauvinist pigs. We have to establish that equality between girl and guy, yet at the same time be gentlemanly to hold the door open, pay the bill or movie tickets, and of course send the girl home. True, we did that in the past, but now we have to do it subtly or we might get labelled as being too conservative and traditional.

of course, freak weather.

when the meteorologist used to tell us it would be sunny for the day, IT WILL BE SUNNY FOR THE DAY. it won't rain and shine and rain and shine and rain and shine for about 10 times. it's either the fact that global warming is getting worse, or that the weather information centres just suck nowadays.

HAHAHAHHAHAA. okay la but on the hindsight, it's quite an interesting generation to live in eh.

2010-07-16T15:19:00.000+08:00

hahahaha im sipping some soup and waiting for late lunch with mum, and i think a meetup with friends later on.
times like these make me think abt life. actually not really hahahahhahaa but it makes me more thoughtful
tml marks my seventh month in sas, and of course indirectly means that i have approximately 6-7 more months of ns before the nightmare is over. hahhaha.
i rmb that when i ooc-ed, i set out a lot to do in life. whatever happened to all of that now? hmmm i guess at the beginning i tend to be more ideaistic. no doubt there are some things that i've managed to accomplish, but it wasnt as easy as i thought it wld be.
i guess the best thing i cld probably say to myself is to try my best for now i guess.

2010-07-04T22:46:00.001+08:00

'What' and ‘if’ two words as nonthreatening as words come. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: ‘What if?'...

I don't know how your story ended. But I know that if what you felt then was love - true love - then it's never too late. If it was true then it why wouldn't it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart...

I don't know what a love like that feels like... a love to leave loved ones for, a love to cross oceans for... but I'd like to believe if I ever felt it. I'd have the courage to seize it. I hope you had the courage to seize it, Claire. And if you didn't, I hope one day that you will.

2010-06-17T15:30:00.003+08:00

i'm but a fool in love.

still that emo boy, still that lovesick boy. maybe it's gotten better these few months or so, but u have to remind yourself to avoid the love songs (esp those that actually sound nice)

i'm really lousy at this relationship thing. i really admire the way my friends are much more mature in their dealings, where i'm just this...fool. doesn't help that today is duty day 2 in my week, listening to this song is somewhat heart-wrenching. it still hurts i guess.

2 years and counting. and i foolishly thought army would be a distraction. no. it further accentuates the need for someone, or specifically, you.

of course the blog reader now would be shocked at my straight forwardness in this. but i guess i've learnt to accept this as part of my life.

back to distractions, i've learnt a very impt lesson from my friends: the only distraction is you yourself. and if i wanna forget about someone, it is definitely within my ability.

yet here am i again ranting like some stupid teenager (19 already).

i just wish sometimes things weren't that complicated. that i didn't make such a decision in the first place (i still firmly believe it wasn't a mistake)

to my friends that might feel worried about me being all weird and emo again, i'm sorry. it has and will always be part of my life. the big "what if".

i'm still hoping 10/15 years later, i'm going to read this and laugh about what a stupid foolish boy i was.

and not break down into tears into something.

promise a happier post next entry k.

[edited: feeling much better after a walk to HRSSC to clear mail hahaha. i guess i'm not really myself when i'm idling alone (ironically)]

2010-06-06T22:09:00.002+08:00

hahaha i'm actually blogging on e mrt train i realised i havent been blogging in quite some time already

today i've just been thinking mostly abt my family and what has happened so far.

i must admit it hasnt been e best la and it has been quite worrying.

but im glad we made it through and now things look a little brighter.

of course tmr marks the start of a new damn work week, and im nt looking forward to it, obviously. haiz...worst of all e subsequent week has me on duty twice so yeah.

thank goodness e last week is hk trip with 4A peeps. really looking forward to it =D (but sadly that's when tweiguo31 jhas just returned from Thailand).
regardless, will update when i have more thoughts in my brain hahhs. tata

2010-05-22T23:01:00.002+08:00

it's when u reach a certain point, where you.

the one thing u wanted in your life.

the one thing u wished for.

would cease to exist.

2010-05-18T10:51:00.002+08:00

i guess everyone has sort of a limit to patience and tolerance.

but one day i guess anyone would reach the limit, stand up and say out what he truly feels.

usually it's all about understanding and of course tolerating the person. it might not just be about how annoying the person can be. it can even be about things like how condescending one can be, or how the person always does that action over and over again, or how mean the person can be, or how the person always seems to take you for granted.

granted once or twice, u take it in and smile, or force a smile on the 3rd and 4th time.

but by the umpeenth time, when u really can't take it anymore, that's when the trouble really starts.

then again, i guess we all have to learn to be more tolerant ppl.

i guess.

2010-05-12T22:13:00.002+08:00

yuppp today's duty day so yep time to blog again :D:D

well well one week's past for all u know and it has been quite an okay/awesome period because time here does fly by pretty quickly...

esp at camp i've made great friends around, my upperstudy's very very good and i'll definitely miss talking crap with him when he ORDs in about...2 weeks' time. hmm.

on the other hand it's been quite hard to arrange like big outings and stuff and i'm actually growing quite accustomed to small groups. because i realised that we can actually do quite a fair bit being a small group, can go out to different places and everything.

in other news, 4a friends and i have decided to go to hongkong and play. anyone has any advice? (don't go hk la?) and stuff? hahahhaha ADVICE PLS. hongkong's gonna be hot though zzzz

DOTA FEVER COME BACK :D:D

okay oh yes american idol is so cliched. sigh how many damn seasons do they want it over and over again. lol. other than the sudden adam lambert thing, EVERYONE ELSE IS GONE.

okay except for mayb kelly clarkson and carrie underwood.

can't really rmb the rest ah well.

oH YES! HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER <3 GLEE <3

2010-05-05T23:12:00.000+08:00

i guess everytime i'm on duty i'm gonna blog.

but hell i'm not on duty, it's 11pm and i'm gonna be the only one in office tmr.

sleep early :D

mayb blog tml.

2010-04-16T22:11:00.003+08:00

sorry for the bad language in advance.

but i'm really fucking emo now

watching moulin rouge now.

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Everyday I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you

And there's no mountain too high no river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day
Oh come what may, come what may
I will love you

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place...

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day

2010-04-12T18:24:00.002+08:00

once again, it's time to blog when i'm on duty zzzzz.

in any case the weekend before was pretty much awesome for me, what with spending time with both the band ppl and the 4A peeps.

in fact, after reading my previous blog posts (2004 onwards) i realised it's really been so much that we've went through together, be it ALL the stupid dinners, outings, studying, exemptions, yearly exams, mid terms, pw, credit points, a levels, we've been through everything together. means a lot to me and hmm, i've suddenly felt that way la.

OKAY FINE I KNOW I'VE BEEN RANTING THIS FOR THE GAZILLIONth time SO OKAY FINE FINE FINE FINE FINE.

this actl brings me to another point. admittedly my new unit ppl are actually quite cool. they're of course NOT (note: definitely not) the clubbing type of peeps, but they're actually the goody goody boys which i approve (Y) hahahahah more or less it's like a jc environment? they're all from njc acjc and what nots and there's pros and cons to this larh. on one hand efficiency is 101.5% because emails fired are fired back, but then again, ppl are much smarter to arrow and stuff, which then again are still relatively easy stuff that can be solved.

cons would include like what i said (wtf i actually typed sayed what's wrong with me zzz) about arrows and stuff, and also stuff like backstabbing, gossipping yadda. which i think is pretty much rampant in the jc atmosphere. hmm.

and yeah, my juniors POPed like, last week? not to be mean but this just means IM CLOSER TO ORD HEH. but i've learnt to take a leaf out of my upperstudy's book (who is lepaking playing guitar now as i type this) and just to chillax, no more counting the ORD days as they're still going to pass whether you count it or not. it's not like a levels cos you're not preparing for anything. so well.

oh yes and i've been watching how i met your mother. it's awesomeness yeah what with the humour and everything. HAHAHAHA barney's boomz, until wk told me that the actor is gay -.- wdv the case is, i'm starting to see barney's point more and more hahahahahhahaa. cos for a while in fact i was like waiting for that one special one, now i'm just more resolved to more or less stay single, discard the burden of marriage and stuff. of course girls would BEG TO DIFFER, but i'm sorry ladies, it's a male POV. i trust males LARGELY agree that marriage is a burden. so just marry later.

SO, i've decided to marry when i'm....

FORTY-FIVE. dinner! tata guys.

2010-04-04T22:38:00.002+08:00

i'm getting tired very easily nowadays zzzz.

the other day (today actually) i fell asleep while waiting for my dota game to load, HENCE, i woke up and realised game was over (at least they were smart enough to kick me larh)

but what to do leh, it's the feeling u like when u just cram up your entire schedule leaving no space to like emo and ramble and what not. most of the time i just lie on my bed for a min and i'm off.

i realised it's not a good thing to count your ORD. the other day i counted 330 days and the next time i counted it was 320 days. fml. hahahahaha aiya count also won't make it come faster zzz.

writer's block.

2010-04-01T17:36:00.001+08:00

I KNEW IT WAS AN APRIL FOOL'S RUSE.

2010-03-30T22:45:00.003+08:00

you guys must be thinking...what? i'm on duty AGAIN? lol YES apparently so but no larh i did it cos i traded off with my upperstudy for next week so no duty for the next 3 weeks and stuff (Y)(Y).

after my promises and all that, i conclude i PHAIL. wrt to avoiding facebook esp. i dunno i really think i'm a facebook addict, that is to say if you stop me from facebooking i'll literally foam and get into fits/withdrawal symptoms and stuff.

dear peeps, tonight i dedicate this song...to myself.

Everybody in love, go put your hands up
Everybody in love, go put your hands up
Everybody in love, go put your hands up
If you’re in love, put your hands up hand up

You know you need someone
When the need’s so strong
When they’re gone you don’t know how to go on
So the whole world is stuck in a moment
Standing still until they come back

You accept that they’ve, got things to do
But sometimes in the end there’s nothing left for you
If hurt is missing your baby
I’ve done too much of it lately

Cuz' every minutes like an hour
Every hours like a day
Every day lasts forever
But what else am i gonna do
I’d wait forever and a day for you
I wait up, wait up
I can’t eat, I can’t sleep
what else could it be missing so deep
long as I’m where you’re going to
I’d wait forever and a day for you
I wait up, wait up for you

And even when we mad, and say we’re through
Deep inside you feel the same way i do
Might as well turn around and just end this
Cause it’s harder tryin' to stay mad
I could tell you that you can’t stay here
Knowing just as soon as you disappear
That I’ll be missing you baby
Soon as you get up and you walk away

Every minutes like an hour
Every hours like a day
Every day lasts forever
But what else am i gonna do
I’d wait forever and a day for you
I wait up, wait up
I can’t eat, I can’t sleep
what else could it be missing you so deep
long as I’m where you’re going to
I’d wait forever and a day for you
I wait up, wait up for you

Everybody in love
Go put your hands up
Everybody in love
Go put your hands up
Everybody in love
Go put your hands up
If you’re in love
Put your hands up
Everybody in love
Go put your hands up
Everybody in love
Go put your hands up
Everybody in love
Go put your hands up
If your in love
Put your hands up

Every minutes like an hour
Every hours like a day
Every day lasts forever
But what else am i gonna do
I’d wait forever and a day for you
I wait up, wait up
I can’t eat, I can’t sleep
what else could it be missing you so deep
long as I’m where you’re going to
I’d wait forever and a day for you
I wait up, wait up for you

honestly, the feeling is always there. nothing changes. the feeling's masked, but it's still there.

die la. now i'm emo liao. okay fine going to sleep instead.

oh btw yeah u guys know rozz and shan? now rozz left the show cos she couldn't stand ris low sharing the show with her. hahha i heard the whole thing man. classic drama i think it might just be a ruse for april's fool or something.

okay sorry guys the song's in repeat. it's distracting.

I wait up, wait up for you

2010-03-24T22:35:00.002+08:00

hahahhaa just a blog post before i sleep then i guess.

yes. again i'm the damn duty clerk. because i freaking got tricked into doing duty when i was being nice. for more details just ask around. zzz

this is terrible. i'm honestly hooked on facebook.

once upon a time i vowed to myself that i would NEVER have a facebook account? and after that i said i was obligated to create one becos i needed prom photos yadda yadda. now i facebook every damn minute, even while waiting for my videos to load and stuff. hahahahha so much for not beinga conformist

THEREFORE,

i shall try to AVOID facebooking. tsk avoid. and also msn. i wanna read more, be more learned (nerdy), sporty (unlikely), cultured (nigh impossible). essentially, i'm going to be a perfect gentleman. oh come on i can hear the laughter already. give me a sporting chance la you guys.

okay wait then again not perfect gentleman. i can hold the door for mayb a girl that i don't know, but don't expect it for girls i know well hahahha. okay YES and to stop swearing.

what's it with me today anyway today's totally not new year what stupid resolutions am i making.

no, i'm called a dreamer. i learnt that, ironically, from facebook.

it's when i make impossible (unrealistic) dreams and i keep at it for a while like a disciplined prefect, but it's just short-lived and i'll just give up in a while. TSK. so if 3 months time i still do the same stuff don't blame me la, blame my dreamer genes.

i told mum about asshole-who-took-leave-and-made-me-do-his-duty-and-never-going-to-pay-me-back-duty-cos-he's-recoursing-ocs-tml and she smsed back "sori 2 hear tat. dun take it 2 hard. :-("okay take away the fact that she's using smileys (gone used to it) i was abit :S by her sms.

no doubt i was pissed, but it wasn't as if someone died so why would i take it too hard?! i think mum still thinks i'm forever sean boy, the boy who whines about like, everything inclusive of missing pencils in pencil box and stuff.

then again, have i even grown out of being sean boy?!

2010-03-19T13:39:00.002+08:00

music is really a very very tricky issue.

to humans that is.

a week or so ago, i was quite (in fact totally) in love with this song called if we ever meet again.

i mean, it's catchy, bubbly, and timbaland's singing for goodness sake hahaha.

BUT, after a few days, it was terrible. the ending has the stupid timbaland going "what?" "what?" in repetitions for some weird reason. and then i played the whole damn song and i realised the WHAT WHAT thing is throughout the entire song! so whenever i hear the song (up till now), i keep hearing the damn what what stupid thing from timbaland! i swear it's damn irritating now zzzz.

in other news, graduation ceremony coming out. kaiwen (upperstudy) said he did 18 in his service, so i'll probably do around 12 i guess? i've done ONE so far. all the way man all the way.

2010-03-15T21:31:00.002+08:00

well i guess staying in really isn't half as bad as i think it is. hahahahaha.

managed to get a few things done here and there hahahhaa. DAMN IT ITS GOING TO BE 10PM CANT THEY GO HOME NAO NAO NAO?!

oh yes i realised i blog every time i'm the duty clerk. lol.

i reread stuff alot. and i rewatch stuff alot.

i reread harry potter 10000000000000000000 times, artemis fowl 4 times and twilight sereis 3 times or something.

but yet i'm getting tired of my songs. it's reached till the stage where i don't even bother listening to e ending of the song and i just change the playlist minute by minute. it's kinda irritating now that i think about it, but it beats memorising the song. i have to get more songs now no?

and then again, i'm starting to get quick tempered again. sigh what's wrong with me. nowadays i snap very easily, and of course i get annoyed very very easily. the other day my mum asked me if i needed money and i got pissed. wth's wrong with me it's free money?

and yes i do like to paste musical lyrics on my blog and appear sophisticated and all that. fact is, hahaha, the whole song isn't relevant la (most of the time) and sometimes i just paste the song cos i like how it sounds and all that.

anyway

one year ago

i blogged about leaving CPF and starting my ownself time till army. and i talked of course about going out to open house for universities. and lastly that was the first time 4A got addicted to LAN.

i desperately need my own-self time. but damn i don't even wanna count the days to ORD. fine so i won't be a whiny bitch. mayb 4A SHOULD lan again one day hahahahaha.

and in 2008

i blogged about missing high school.

hahahahhaa thats why change is really, really the only constant in life.
but i'm really trying hard nowadays to not even bother looking back, cos i know it isn't going to change anything at all. what with ______ and _____ esp. nothing changes. you can pray you can hope, but ultimately don't expect too much.

2010-03-03T18:49:00.003+08:00

i realised that not before long, i would soon be err...eligible! to vote for the next election.

speaking of which this is soooooo politcally incorrect to say anything in the first place about this. hahahahhaa so yeah. the world will tremble when next election comes.

which btw, i'm in UK. -.- i'm still allowed to vote right? haha ah well. cheap thrills that i'm actually ALLOWED to vote.

btw i'm doing duty clerk now. sigh. staying in is borrrrinnnngggggggg i'm gonna sleep early lolol. okay.

blog more next time. hahaha. when i have more mood to blog eh?

2010-02-26T09:50:00.003+08:00

you know.

whenever i look at my playlist, i kinda laugh at myself, somewhat.

okay so basically my playlist has err...billboard yadda songs, of course my fav rapper 50-cent songs (club songs), and yes my favourite heart-wrenching, hear-the-lyrics-and-you-feel-the-aching-in-your-heart love songs.

sometimes i think singers make these kinda sad love songs just so that emo assholes like me will hear it over and over again, and perhaps copy the lyrics on the blog itself? (been there, done that, bought the t-shirt)

so anyway, mayb i should widen my scope of music, include more indie songs or something. hates hearing emo songs on the mrt (long ride from joo koon to outram park) while trying to solve the damn freecell puzzle on the itouch.

that said, happy things should be mentioned. i passed by driving! yay essentially almost all my points were given at the start...like...not putting on the seatbelt -.- in any case mayb i should start renting cars and stuff SINCE The Mum doesn't drive and The Brother has no intention to.

on other news, Brother is going with girlfriend to hokkaido for 7/8 days which i think is pretty much romantic, and in fact a new err...phase into the relationship. yeah going overseas just together for like 7/8 days with no family and that is a big thing. I guess my bro's girlfriend is probably perma going to be in the family hahaha. yeah he even dared to joke about it. we were talking about army, and he said that if he gets vocated to some shit camp to be the MO, he'll just get married so he can relocate or something. bro's girlfriend laughed, which made me quite surprised at the response. i guess they've talked about it before.

which brings me to the next point. everyone's getting a girlfriend nowadays (zhikai inclusive) lol. mum was looking at kangjie's dp that showed a gift he made for sharon, and she was like, "your friends all getting girlfriends now right. you always wanna copy your friends what. go get one lorh." go get one? hello please she was the one who was like nooooooooooo girlfriends before a levels, noooooooooo girlfriends before this, before that. tsk.

so anyone willing to please my mum?

2010-02-20T23:32:00.001+08:00

lots of things to figure out now so yep!

hahahaha first i need to pass my driving...soon!

have been knocking kerbs every single revision lesson LOL. i need a miracle man.

2010-02-18T10:31:00.003+08:00

so anyway, to quell further rumours that i took mc and everything, haha i'm actually given off until the next week before i report back to unit and stuff.

so ytd was pretty much a me-time thingy. spent lots of time with MYSELF. yes i'm a loser who can't think of anyone else to spend it with. SO? hahaha.

anyway, managed to oversleep first, go to the gym and after that headed back to play some computer games.

the other day while going out with band mates, there was this lady in some mobile buggy thingy playing her stupid liuqin right at the traffic light outside taka and everyone was like 0_o cos she obviously took up lots of space.

WTH was she doing at boonkeng now??? i swear she was following me. ANYWAYS. business didn't seem too well for her i guess. she walked out soon.

and after that went to do some reading. hahhahahaa. this is the time when u have it all to yourself and you can pretty much do anything you want. i'm pretty fine with that i haven't had the time to indulge myself...kinda (not with food la.)

/add bought (500) days of summer. how does that producer wrench my heart every single time i watch it?!

2010-02-14T10:10:00.002+08:00

hi!

and a very gong xi fa cai to you.

in fact to me CNY is like a block leave, since this year i'm not out visiting nor expecting company or something.

then again, i'm hoping to EXERCISE this holidays, okay fine ironic admist all the eating of snacks and tidbits and everything.

WOANKENG RETURN MY ITOUCH. ahhahahaha fine my fault i left it there in the first place zzz. without my itouch i'm just this damn lame jogger in the park.

AND smoke/haze is killing me. really i sneeze every minute or so? hope the burning would stop soon man.

2010-02-11T23:57:00.001+08:00

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin for the phone cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever crossed your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin at all

It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now

And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without

I just need you now

I just need you now

Ooo, baby, I need you now

2010-02-07T20:52:00.002+08:00

i feel i'm changing. especially the entire airshow. hmm i don't really know how to explain it definitively (such a word?) in words but yeah it's a gut feel thing.

not a bad thing per se, but a more fyi thing. yeahhh and i'm getting hooked on bejeweled! damn. cos main com crashed and i need to save it since no one else in the family really cares (or uses) it. i was like "shit the com won't on liao leh how long has it been like that" and bro/mum says that since the time i used it two weeks ago. zzzzz.

so now it's just me my laptop and my facebook :D no dota until the com is fixed. fix it tml! off tml for me to errr attempt to exercise i guess.

oh yes this was most hilarious. i signed up for tuition assignment near my house. the lady called me up to offer me east coast instead. i was like wtf? didn't i ask for boon keng. and she was like uhhhh i gave the job to someone who stays at marine parade. fml x 10.

2010-02-06T09:02:00.002+08:00

what we worked for 2 months ended in just a few days. as i look back, i do wonder how did time pass by so quickly anyway.

and yes. when the event did end i felt sad :( not because the event was over (thank goodness for that) but rather the fact that i'll be missing out on a great team i worked with for secreteriat office.
lta yap lta goh 2lt gabriel cpl jin pte bruno cpl julian pte er our original team!

airshow has not only given me great friends, but has taught me lots of stuff. it comes to the point where responsibility is with burden, and every decision you make is going to affect the whole outcome. every figure you report, every report you write, it all matters to the next course of action. yeahh and it comes to the point everyone is just acting upon what you say and IF you report some wrong figures or screw up, you're BYEBYE.

the going without sleep thing is nonetheless inevitable i guess, but i hope that this time was more smoothsailing than the last time. welllllll during the tough times i did skip the entire day's meals and still feel full from the anxiety and worry and stress. but at the last part when we were chillaxing it was (Y) hahahaa. really hope we can keep in contact la.

well will be going back to mindef on tuesday, and there we WILL decide if i stay in fmlb as a perm staff, or return back to safti. give and take la, both sides have its pros and cons.

lastly, i would like to thank Him for guiding me through, and always being there for me whenever i had my troubles. :)

2010-02-01T08:20:00.002+08:00

hello!

okay i wasn't that enthusiastic approximately 2 days ago. it was like err, hell, to say the very least. hahaha.

this attachment at the sg airshow has definitely been an eye-opener, hopefully i'll review about it pretty soon.

in fact i really never have had so much stress before during work (and army) and it's really the first time when u feel u really have no time to eat and no time to sleep and each moment you're preoccupied with solving one crisis at a time.

nevertheless, learnt to appreciate this, and of course made great friends along the way.

more to blog :)

2010-01-18T22:19:00.001+08:00

GUYS. this is how weixin earned his stupid nickname. just in case you were wondering how dumb some ppl are. hahahaha i miss thailand trip in 2007.

2010-01-10T20:29:00.001+08:00

i need a.

2010-01-06T23:19:00.003+08:00

i guess more blogging = more memories

i keep blogging less and less. without a doubt this kinda marks the erm...5th year anniversary of d3f1n1t10n. in fact i hardly use this name anymore other than this blog and my garena nick. normally while playing lan or something i use names like err...l***y***t*** or something.

working out here in mindef as an attachment (so far) has really been quite an eye-opener for me. i guess i can't reveal much here but to me it's definitely a different scope of work altogether as compared to the usual chionging sua (not chiong suaing cos chiong is the verb) that i did previously (which my friends will kindly remind me that it was like damn 3 months ago). YEAH BUT STILL. it's army yea correct? tsk.

then again. i suddenly remember how i used to be young(er) and always in the pursuit of fun. How i would find McDonald's so tempting and stuff and always wonder why the adults just wouldn't understand the delicacy of Macs.

when u are young and always in the pursuit of fun, it doesn't matter to always take that leap and see where it heads to. but as you grow older, and when u start to break a bone (heart) or two, u start to learn to be more cautious and weary instead, to start looking out if the road is clear, sometimes hesitating to take the leap, or not even jump at all in the first place.

i guess there's really not much a safety net in life.

and that's why i guess it's time to not care so much if someone is over at the other side ready to catch you (for me).

less talk, less hesitation. more decision, more action.

less fears in life, more excitement.

2010-01-05T23:09:00.000+08:00

i realised i didn't really have a EOY 2008 post so this is RATHER new for me. as such the only reference i can take to is the 2007 one, where i basically talked about my decisions in life and stuff.

i suppose i was quite a happy man that time, what with.

the end of 2009 marked the end of a very tiring year for me. It was a year where i had time by myself to decide if i needed a job, what job i would do and everything.

it was a year where i first enlisted into army.

i still rmb i was telling wk and we were kinda like telling ourselves not to complain like the january batch ppl and just suck it up and go for it. hah but how dillusional, it's hard to stay above such nonsense.

it is also the time where i had to heal, and till now i'm still healing i guess.

this year has taught me to also value my friends, especially my 4A and my band friends, that i believe would always be there for me :)

and this year of course is God's year. without Him i wouldn't have made it through, for He has guided me along the way.

instead of the normal EOY posts where i post alot of stuff i did this entire year, i'm just going to sum it up as it being a difficult year for me. i'm relieved, more than glad, that it's over.

thank you all for accompanying me through 2009 (:

2010-01-03T16:15:00.000+08:00

this made me cry.

2009-12-27T20:43:00.002+08:00

this christmas was mightily good.

"well on the 24th, which was xmas eve, the band ppl went out and we went to liuzhen's house, as usual everyone being late, and we played wii! hahaha somehow we (or rather I) nv get bored of the games so we played played played ate some dinner of thai express that freaking cost me 19 dollars but wth, and then we went to play somemore?
met jared for a short while! haha chatted a little at beauty world and stuff and HAHA i was late for xmas service, regardless 12am was spent wif jareddd! hahahaa ><
after that went wif weeeely (wif cute hair fyi), cheryl and liuzhen to chungyan's church for midnight service!
well it is the first time i'm celebrating xmas in the presence of christ and the feeling is really wonderful (: these few days i've been burdened, and on that very time i could drop this whole burden thingy and feel God, and i know despite how things are going lyk really crap, somehow it'll work out, because it is part of His plan. Yup oh but chungyan's church is lyk super sombre, the last few times i heard of church celebrations it kinda included party poppers and happy songs, u know lyk "we wish you a merry xmas", this is so much different! hhahaha well more coz there were lyk lots and lots of the elders so i guess this isn't quite the appropriate way to celebrate. but still i felt really happy! (:
okay following this pls check out tau-pok.blogspot.com for more details about this whole thing. BUT unlike what jiawei blogged (wrt his feelings about that) i really felt it was quite fun, the 5 of us roaming abt and i thought it was instead quite a great way about christmas! hahaha HEY i'm not convincing myself okay, i'm convincing you mr reader."

-what happened on 2008

this year was gorgeous. on xmas 24th i had work for halfday, then i went to buy some stuff before meeting wk and co to have a short dinner. okay inclusive of buying a xmas belt for myself :D yep then after that went with wk to church. heh.
performed for xmas service, and i can tell you it was really wonderful the feeling. and of course later on was spent with a gang of fav friends! wenyuan, kangjie, jared, shiwei, wk and wg :D talked lots of shit and everything :D:D hahahaa and it was fun. AFTER that, somemore went down to meet the band clique for a stayover, where we seriously zham a lot of talking cock and lots of rubbish and stuff. e.g. junjie bumped me on my head to snatch the pillow from me? tsk. next morning went to play lan with band ppl before heading home to eat family dinner and of course mahjong session after that with mum and grandma. family times eh.
and lastly 26th was BOOMZ. wenyuan said "it is a formal clothes event. no jeans and whatever". hahaha we came wearing different shits la. great pls check facebook for what we wore. then played a bit of team fortress before heading to watch avatar! GREAT MOVIE <3 okay i'm tryig to cut things REAL short okay.
today was church with jared and after that headed shopping for the kino 20% off woohoo!

okay that's just a short summary of what happened this entire long weekend. honestly it has been the best year yet basically because i spent time with all my fav friends and loved ones. and i really felt so connected to the Lord himself. lol but not going to share THAT kinda private thoughts la.

basically, i hope next christmas will be as, if not more awesome.

2009-12-27T00:17:00.000+08:00

a wonderful wonderful xmas celebration. more details tmr. sleepy now!

2009-12-22T22:42:00.002+08:00

something honestly pissed me off today. lol.
okay so basically i was on the bus to army and stuff and was trying to catch some sleep since the bus journey would be rather long. up comes this stupid person who settles in a seat in front of me AND STARTS BLASTING HIS MUSIC AT TOP TOP TOP VOLUME.
at first i was quite puzzled when i got woken up by his damn music cos i thought it was coming from the radio or something. but GUESS not it's coming from his mao4 pai2 dunno what shit brand thingy mp3 sai.
so basically he was blasting this damn music on and on. AND IT WAS THE SAME BLOODY SONG. couldn't sleep at all so i JUST KEPT STARING AT HIM BUT HE DIDN'T CARE DAMMIT. URGH!!
so went to work yadda yadda. went home. took 170 again.
AND FREAKING GUY WAS ON THE BUS ALSO. at first i heard the music i was like "noooo...not again." then it's the typical head-tilt thing and then u see crazy man blasting his music AGAIN. DAMN. another bus ride of annoyance. bleargh.

2009-12-19T23:26:00.003+08:00

today was pretty much a great day for my friends for they were commissioning today.

to be very honest...okay nevermind i shall not be totally honest i guess.

disappointed with some ppl...happy with some ppl...wont say la. would just leave it that as i'm proud of my 2LT friends who made it past 9 months (no kidding i'm really honestly very proud of them).

yet unfortunately, it wasn't pretty much the issue that was bugging me during the comms parade (they were happy what why would there be any irritating issue bothering them? hmm).

OH WELL. congrats guys :D really proud of u guys! PLS take care of me pls pls pls i'm a man man man HAHHAHAHAHA. jiayou ah! monday is work time again.

sighh. i hope you will feel better k! things don't seem as bleak as they always do. DESPITE your decisions, understand that everything will resolve k. hope you feel better kk! :) and i'm sureeeee there would be a better turn out of things. :)

2009-12-13T00:20:00.002+08:00

okayy todayyy was an outing outing outing day.
so basically it was all about driving in the morn. freaking teacher scolded me WHILE watching his movie on his itouch zzz said i looked blur about right turns and stuff and i was like -.- thanks you didn't even check to see if I checked my blindspots and stuff can? argh. but there's still time still time i'll beat wk and wy to get the license first :D
after that in the afternoon i met band ppl for a short while at popeye's at the flyer, before heading down to gwc to meet the 44AAAAA gang haha at zion where we ate some typical hawker food, before bus down to drink bubble tea (?) hahahaa cos there were no seats to eat tau huey NEITHER were there seats at the nearby macdonald's. sighh why was it so crowded anyway zzz.
yeah and NOW i'm penning xmas cards. bought a whole bunch that LOOKS like shiwei's one so don't be surprised if you receive two of the same design or something argh.

In all honesty i feel compelled about the limits between saying out what you feel and saying what is correct. sometimes there are just nagging things in your mind you really hope to address but at the same time you're scared of the consequence it might bring. sighh such difficulties sometimes in expressing ourselves.
lately with this tiger woods mistress thing, i just wonder how much his wife really trusted him and stuff. isit then plainly blind trust? believing in true love kind of thing? or maybe the wife kind of knew but didn't want to tackle the issue until it blew up in her face. i dunno, but i suppose all reasons are justified.

which then again speaking of justification, some ppl think that commissioning is the best thing ever, while others just like to scorn over it and stuff. I just think it's a matter of personal goals: do whatever you really see and deem fit, and whatever you think you would really like to do? i don't see why one being commissioned has to bring up so many comments. i would definitely congratulate the many on 19th dec for a job well done. haha.

2009-12-12T09:30:00.001+08:00

neeeeeeds to blog.
tis the season to be jolly, xmas is finally finally here. which also is like an indicator that the year is coming to an end, but yearly updates should be kept until the EOY first.
currently i'm stuffing myself with the driving lessons and the church orchestra practices, AND i'm getting posted out of ocs, which btw i dunno if the new posting is a stayin or stayout. keeping my fingers crossed though.
yep i've been penning xmas cards too! which is a first in my life i just hope i could keep up with this vigour for the subsequent years to come (what with me going overseas and everything -.-)
life's da bomb these few weeks and months, my friends are commissioning! hahaha i know it really means a lot to them so i'm going to try make it if i can yeahh.
okay i FEEL this is a pretty good update liao lorh, so yeah i'll update more when it comes ba yeah.

2009-11-22T10:39:00.001+08:00

why does it still matter to me?

it shouldn't.
it mustn't.

2009-11-21T22:36:00.004+08:00

lol can't believe i'm blogging in a lan cafe hahahaha okay while my friends indulge i shall come blog too heh :)
okay la a few more hours to my b'dae (Y) i do hope that the next one wouldn't be as miserable as how i spent my previous year as an 18-year-old. it pretty much sucked and everything. and if i could just have one wish, it'll EITHER be...or.... well i can't say right? hahaha.
okay so basically this is how i'm going to celebrate la. on sat i just had great fun with my 4A classmates heh they're really nice and all and at least we talk to everyone wheee. so nigel wk calvin chiajone shiwei kangjie yuguang kakin woankeng wenyuan (and weihong in brunei!) thanks so much for the present and the company HAHA. really enjoyed myself today :D especially dragging the whole lot of (guys) to mind's cafe.
heh tml will be spent with 77 ppl (basically the same people HAHA and stuff) so yeah after church! then will be spending my dinner with of course beloved mum. hope things are fine.
haiya how to say. okay i guess i shouldn't say this out cos i don't want the whole situation to be awkward. I just feel that these recent times (weeks) i kinda reckon and can see what's going on la, or understand perhaps. well i guess i can only recognize that it's part and parcel of life and that mayb sometimes things weren't just as good/flowery/nice/smooth as you think they were. The only constant in the world is change i guess. Should savour the moments with friends HAHA this is ironic can't believe i'm blogging anti-socially while they are enjoying this stupid team fortress game HAHA (i leave then 4v4 more fair). haha loves these guys.
alright back to joining them! cya!

not that u care.

2009-11-15T19:58:00.001+08:00

nowadays i really have no mood to blog. sorry yeah. i mean i still go out with friends and stuff and watch the movies, mayb i'm just sian yeah. or mayb cos work starts tml haha. ><

2009-11-10T23:31:00.001+08:00

rather. sad.

2009-11-04T21:59:00.001+08:00

private.

2009-11-01T19:05:00.003+08:00

it's like quantem physics.
you bang your head against the wall, hoping that it'll collapse one day.
it will, except not in your lifetime of hitting
and by then, your head would have bled to death.

2009-10-27T20:31:00.000+08:00

yes yes i should blog! hahahahha.

okay so life is pretty much quite fine now everyday it's like going to work hahahaa. today went for some filming also so (Y) yep yep.

nothing out of the ordinary happened except for the occasional visit to school for scream yup! will update more IF there's something good :)

blogged on private though.

2009-10-12T23:23:00.001+08:00

500 days of summer makes me .

2009-10-06T19:34:00.002+08:00

okay these 2 days is the first 2 days of my .

i wish ppl would stop asking me about my . cos it's HONESTLY VERY IRRITATING esp when ppl look at you with that pity face and ask you whether u're okay cos YES i'm okay stop asking me and zhamming me just be a friend and call me sean and ask me whether the weather is fine can???

okay so for the time in wingline i'm attached to master sergeant for some logistics crap. ie to say for today i just moved a few shoes and walked around with master sergeant that's all lol.

so aniwae ya there's the thing whether i'm gonna get posted out OR NOT. though it's highly likely according to my pc that i'll get posted out cos they dunwan us around during the brunei trip, i also dunno la.

on the one hand staying at wingline means stay in but i get to use gym facilities and stuff and basically there's nothing to do here, really. lol. on the other hand though i wanna get out of this place so that i can have 8-5 everyday! but unfamiliar place la...and unfamiliar ppl. ahh i'll just let God decide everything for me ((:

:D:D

2009-10-01T22:35:00.003+08:00

today was grandpa funeral thingy in the morning, followed by gymming in the afternoon with weihong wenyuan and woankeng cos nigel apparently didn't want to come, busy flirting la.
hahahah great time to chill out and talk cock and LOTS of stuff about girls, kinda reminded me the time when kakin talked about porn lol.

aniwae this issue has definitely been something big for me, but in retrospect, i kinda think this issue is so meaningless. there are so many other stuff that mean much more to me, like relationships and friendships etc.

what a stupid thing to worry about.

2009-09-30T23:42:00.002+08:00

hahaha i think i owe all the blog readers an explanation.

okay so here goes!

basically the past few days i've really really enjoyed myself much with the company of the many different ppl be it 4A, 77 or band :D

okay so what i've really learnt is that in life there's only that amount of time, and you've gotta spend it doing things you like, doing things you feel are right. and when the time comes you don't look back and think why didn't you do this, or why didn't you try that. i think i've learnt not to view what others think but what you think of yourself.

altho i can't summarise the many outings i had, be it the one with the many eating adventures with band, or the stayover at kang/wk's house, watching inglorious bastards together, having dinner as 77 together at ps, or chilling around btp with 77, or eating at holland v together as 4A or even playing badminton with mr ng 11! many many many many thanks to all the company, the talking cock and the doing stuff together.

so many things to talk about so many things to remember hahahaha i wish i could cover it all but i'm just too lazy :/ one thing's for sure though: i'll definitely come here more often to blog le :)

lately the same thing has been pressuring me again. this week and the previous were the times many (girls) left for overseas to study anddddd yeah (thanks to wg lagger for infusing the thought) it keeps going back to my mind to envisage how it'll be like when i say my farewell. there would definitely be tears (for me) and sigh, i don't understand how i'll be able to let everything go here. ><

then again, when i come back, would everyone have moved on? everyone would start having their own outings, and talk about the outings they had when i was overseas. when i come back for holidays, how would things be like? "hi" period? "nice to meet you but with you around the rest of us feel awkward cos we haven't talked to you for ages"? is it then really a right decision for me to go overseas? zzz i feel like i'm going to miss out on so much here.

like i told yiyi, moving on is just a nice word for others to say in place of "i substituted you with a better friend/lover". like "you've moved on without me, you forced me to move on too" is something like someone probably found a closer group of friends and thereby neglected you hence forcing you to find, and in the end able to mix with an even closer group of friends. argh this is so much rubbish but i just wanna rant.

philosphies in life always teaches us to remember the treasure the here and now, treasure the present. that some things in life are not everlasting and we should treasure it as long as we can then. whenever i think of that it freaks me. i dont like to live in a life when everything is all about the present and you recall nuts aobut the past, nor you care about the future. to me the past is impt, and so is the future. it's a one-third thing and instead of "live in the here and now" it should be "live in the then the here and the later".

and on a random note, i hope that having more time in my hands doesnt make me think more again and become more paranoid. i kinda like the way things go now, and i just pray for the best cos i know God only wants the best for me.

2009-09-19T13:50:00.001+08:00

this song totally sums up my mood.

i dreamed a dream
I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high,
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving.

Then I was young and unafraid
When dreams were made and used,
And wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung,
No wine untasted.

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hopes apart
As they turn your dreams to shame.

And still I dream he'll come to me
And we will live our lives together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms
We cannot weather...

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seems
Now life has killed
The dream I dreamed.

2009-09-14T01:00:00.003+08:00

it suddenly scares me, alot (more than army), that i'll be going overseas by myself 2 years from now.

2009-08-31T00:46:00.001+08:00

On this day of your life, Sean, we believe God wants you to know...
... that every little part of you is magical.

Yes, even the parts that hurt, even the ones that are feeling disease right now. It's alright to love what is in pain. More than alright, that's exactly where your love is needed the most. So why not touch that part that hurts and smile at it, at yourself through it, and whisper: ''I love you.''

very apt.

2009-08-23T16:30:00.001+08:00

next week is pulau tekong field camp then i get confined cos i have gmpg live firing and live demo firing which is SIGH. but what to do.

this is my decision and i have to stick with it.

2009-08-01T10:22:00.000+08:00

this is totally ironic, that at the end of my field camp, with about 1.5 weeks to the end of bslc, i really don't want it to end.

i don't want to have to make tough decisions in life, i don't want to adapt to my new life and make new friends again. i don't want to..

lately so much stuff has been haunting me and i'm just seriously so sian and confused over what to do, what to expect and everything. if we're counting down i have approximately 1 year 6 months more to go and stuff, but even beyond that i don't know what to expect for my life after that.

i'm sad i'm tired i'm miserable and what i really want now is my old life back.

2009-07-19T18:03:00.002+08:00

life's much better this week! no field camp at least but lots of tests la.
thanks to those people who could take time off to spend with me this weekend! really appreciated it :)
about 3-4 more weeks to end of bslc! come on!

2009-07-12T10:01:00.002+08:00

hi i'm majorly depressed the past week sucked like shit and the next week's field camp which will suck x2x2 i wanna get out of armyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy i wanna start studying and getting to work i dun wannaaaaaa book in ><

this is like my most down moment currently.

2009-07-05T17:54:00.002+08:00

well so it's been like 2 weeks into my sispec so far.

bravo is erm slack for now but i'm guessing it's going to get more tough soon, hmm and one of my section mates ooc-ed cos he fell down during ramp. argh that's bad :( cos he's one of my closer friends in the section ba.

aniwae to compare the difference between sispec and bmt, there is a lot more independence in sispec. you basically decide (as the leader sergeant major) how long the dinner's gonna be, so long as you make it back in time for the lesson and stuff. yup but soon moving on to outfield which awfully sucks cos i hate mud, i hate the forest and everything abt it.

speaking of which i must really thank God for the past week it's really been wonderful. these are the things i'm thankful for:

1) Getting gold for ippt
2) Luckily avoiding guard duty
3) Booking in later
4) A relatively slack week with no punishments
5) Giving me strength to do swing trainers (haha still fail in sbo la)

so yup i'm really thankful ba just hope that the subsequent weeks would be successful soon.

there are nagging matters of course in my mind, which i would not disclose on this blog. some not that secret, some really secret.

this is the point of my life where i really feel quite lost. it's really very unpurposeful and i feel like i'm doing nothing as the days go by, and it's probably going to be like that for the next 1 year or so. really really can't wait to get my damn pink ic and start school/work or something.

army makes you:

1) vulgar (though i'm not quite)
2) stupid (admittedly since there's no thinking needed. haha irony about thinking soldiers)
3) boring (doing the same thing over and over again)
4) pessimistic/suicidal (i'm close to the sad mood)

and it's times like these that really give me a lot of time to think abt stuff and i don't know what to do after thinking abt it.

2009-06-21T23:11:00.000+08:00

enlisting tmr.

but that's not even the thing that's making me miserable.

2009-06-20T00:27:00.002+08:00

okay so im in sispec la but thats not the point haha.

went out wif 4A ppl, then s77 ppl today. but wenyuan said something that i felt was quite true la.

well we were talking about friends in general and of course the good old days where we were still in school and stuff and crapping all around the place.

aniwae wenyuan was like wow i still have the picture of the 5 of us (jared wy sw kj me) as my screensaver pic and he just blurted out (or said out) that now that im in army i still have many friends and im trying to hard to make time out for everyone at the same go so ends up sometimes cant spend much time with others :(

at first i just replied without hesitation that i do not do that but after thinking abt it for a while its true la. every week i have a short span of about a weekend, and i have to spend each and every moment of it trying to catch up with everyone, be it my section bmt mates, goodfriends, ex-classmates and bandmates. dunno sometimes it makes me very exhausted

but in the end i do not regret it for once. coz i know that i still want to keep in contact with each everyone and they are still special to me.

which makes me think abt going overseas. sigh. it's going to make me miss EVERYONE HERE.

okay la let me emo 2 years later. for now it's sisslack! weeliang says he saw my name in nominal roll for bravo and apparently got a lot of weekeneds burnt SIGH but it's a good trade for ocs HAHA. okay la ppl surely say i yaya try to pretend like i have the qualities to go ocs but dunwan to go but honestly i'm happy. coz i know it's just a clash of interests and what defines as memorable in ocs is definitely not memorable for me.

and it's just interesting that before i entered army i wanted myself to go for the best, dun be deluded by others to go and down pes and stuff and try to aim as high as possible. and at that time i was still wondering why ppl take army life so hard and just want to keep on trying to down pes and stuff. the irony is that i've joined that gang. well i guess if u can't beat them u join them right. haha. i honestly can't wait for ns to end. still a long way tho sigh.

2009-06-11T11:17:00.003+08:00

hahahaha YAY/NOOOO it's POP. on the one hand i'm really going to appreciate the block leave days (which i'm going to m'sia. lol) on the other hand i'm really going to miss BMT, coz it's quite slack la. AND i also really appreciate all my platoon mates and section mates. sighh i hate the feeling when u have to throw urself into a whole new environment AGAIN, make new friends, learn new stuff. bleargh.
the 24km was tiring la, coz we did overnight and i was like just sleepwalking the whole damn thing. josh and i sang like "100 green bottles hanging on the wall, 100 green bottles hanging on the wall, if 1 green bottle would accidentally fall, there'll be 99 green bottles hanging on the world" all the way until 0 and we high-5ed as an accomplishment. okay fine FINE. if u're scoffing now u got march with a loaded fieldpack from 11.30pm to 6.30am la.
hahahaha. regardless, one phase of army life has ended, and we're moving to the second phase. yup.
ytd night went out wif juniors LOL jiaying luther and yiyi and (had to) treat them to hot/spicy tomato express, some restaurant in dhoby la. HAHA okay so i ate tomato cutlet and drank tomato soup, but it's really not bad lol. but most importantly was the talking cock part, really felt like the good old days in high school (tho jy's not from hchigh but still a guy what) YUP and at the back of my mind i really miss the days like these la, and i wonder how long we can still keep in contact ><
today was my first day enjoying =D so i went to school! wow looks the same la nothing has changed, expected. yup collected cert then went to visit MISSSSS WONGGGG hahaha she's STILL LAME XDXD yarh and we were just like talking alot of crap. she psc scholarship so also share alot about teaching as a career and stuff, really learnt alot from her hahahaha. also caught up on normal stuff and talk crap la, and she was like talking about students, and of course us.

yup here's an appeal (lol appeal) go update miss wong on how you are i.e which uni u entered and stuff esp if u asked for her help to write letters of recommendations and stuff she din complain la but come on la we should at least give a short note of notice or thanks right...hmm...some ppl arh...

yup was great talking to miss wong then after that LOL went to buy mahjong small tiles, to play during my time in m'sia =D gonna buy new clothes wheeeeeeee!

nice dinner coming too!

yup block leave has been good so far heh.

2009-05-31T16:53:00.002+08:00

mmhmm, bmt is ending.
it's ending in about 10 days time yup! and wow, i've really finished all the high-key events so quickly and yep, spent quite some time with friends esp the band ppl.
hahaa ytd we went to watch aliens vs monsters, which was HORRIBLE. i hated that movie la totally made no sense some stupid element can cause the girl to grow big big? wth okayy -.- wowowow.
after that went to prawning hahahahhaa. since my last disastrous attempt with the 4A ppl that resulted in 2 prawns, i'm proud to say this time we caught 5! HAHA but guess what, everyone caught one except meijun. the uncle beside me caught one using his bare hands to catch some dead prawn, and i caught mine using my bare hands too haha ><
okay so the weather was okay laaaaa but wow i finally got to meet shengheng sir ooooooooo ahahhaah he's still damn sexy la okay. and of course not forgetting our scts jiawei and rujun ahhahaa who look the same (see them almost every week what.)
ANYWAY. received a pleasant surprise! (pleasant is understatement. i was shitting while reading the letter, then i jumped out of my toilet seat in joy la) HAHA. yeah offered moe scholarship yup to UK. but hmmm bro tells me that mayb france might be a better option since it's more rare and stuff. i'm still in two minds about that.
other than that, leaving singapore, hmm. >< I just can't envisage leaving all my friends behind and stuff and going away for 3 years. it'll be like...argh.
okay nvm let's just drop that for a moment and return back to bmt! hahaha this week is slack i look forward to booking in for the last second time hahaha we got recruits night oc night and games day wowowow. LOL. and of course rehearsal for POP! and the 24km route march. LALAALALA. okay let's hope i dun get the guard duty on POP day or i'll just dulan la.

2009-05-09T01:53:00.002+08:00

hahahahah i finally blogged, after spending 3 weeks in army.
i reckon i'm a changed person :) HAHA. cut the crap still just as childish la sean chia. zzz
aniwaes what's i'm still awake i dunno why i can't sleep leh.
OKAY field camp was disgusting, to say the very least. coz it kept raining in the early morning like 4am (consecutively for all the days), made the ground really muddy for our training in the afternoon under stupid hot sun that caused me heat rash.
currently i'm looking at myself, i haf mosquito bites on my legs even though i wore long pants the entire time throughout army so apparently the stings can get through the pants. i haf 2 large bruises coz i had to prone in my shellscrape that i was too lazy to extend (my height la, need to be very long)
SO ANIWAE, field camp has taught me a lot of stuff. like what most think too, i feel that it's memorable, but not something i wanna go through again. hmm. all the punishments and stuff...not needed la heh :)
but i feel it has really changed me, as in i'm still mean la, but in my heart i think i've learnt alot.
most impt would like to thank God for his guidance and care throughout my field camp.
commander says field camp is the worst part of the entire BMT! so i'm glad i've been through the worst, now its time to take a step back and relax.

on hindsight, congrats hcband for the gold! well deserved :) ESPECIALLY the singing. i'm such a harper, type already in the hctagboard still type here. but WOW, the singing, i can't imagine ppl like chaijiaying, manly irene aunty cheeshan and baby nelnel this kinda ppl to sing like choir liddat. so that's 9999999999999999999 thumbs up from me! a very musical performance indeed good job guys!

sorry ah if my post was EXPECTED to be long, coz it's like 2am altho i'm not sleepy i'm scratching myself/feeling my bruise so i'm not in THAT much mood to type too hoh. haha.

2009-04-12T17:23:00.002+08:00

these last 2 days before i booked in was spent meaningfully :)

on sat i met the band ppl at astons' and PLAYED BANG! which is a world class game really, considering i'm the owner of it. hahahhaa wrong misfires, and me getting jailed 1000000000 times before rujun got jailed 100000000000 times coz i became the sheriff. after that went to amk to eat dinner and lol that was backstab day esp with my GREAT SEC 1 FRIEND JIAWEII! haha and of course i cabbed home with that asshole :D:D

today spent easter sunday in the presence of the Lord and then went out wif woankeng for lunch to talk cock! before meeting yiyi for talking more crap and playing left4dead HEH. yup and it's going to be dinner with family and i'm IN.

yes yes!! and i must thank the Lord once again for such a wonderful journey he gave me these 4 months, it started low-key but i really understood the message He was sending to me and i'm truly grateful for what i've received.

and for the last time, not going to say like the name totally, but if u noe u've played a part in making my 4 months less bearable and fun, even if it's just an outing, or just to talk some crap on msn sometimes, thank you so much :)

now how do i operate this damn LG phone.

2009-04-07T09:57:00.002+08:00

yes yes it's time to blog. okay these are my LAST FEW days before going to stinking army.
yes i know it's stinking army larh.
but it's a feeling of ambivalence here. on one hand i'm really enjoying the MAXIMUM of slacking here.
on the other hand, well at least not getting stuck in this transition phase anymore. so yeah.
oh hell yeah, must rmb to thank all the ppl who accompanied me these 4 months to make it less boring ie the band girls group, 4A gang and HC who went to work wif me (Y) ahahaha.
yes so if anything happens, i'll probably blog abit more for these coming days, then u wun see me for about 2 weeks, and when i come out, i'll be shaven and that's it. will still be as childish and immature. tata.

2009-04-02T00:18:00.002+08:00

okay. why why why did i take manual driving.
today my instructor broke the news: 98% of cars in singapore are freaking autogeared.
to start the car (for manual)
1) press the clutcher to the full using left leg
2) adjust gear to 1st with left hand
3) use left hand again to release handbrake
4) use right leg and press accelerator to 1.5-2.0 rpm
5) slowly release left leg to get engine going, before lifting it away fully.
to start the car (for auto)
1) use left hand to change gear to 'drive'
2) press accelerator and byebye.
sheesh its like i haf to check mirrors, look behind for blind spots, adjust my steering wheel, keep my speed in check and wtf man totally with gear shifts and everything.
and i swear gear shifts are hard. wanted to reverse ended up turning to 4th gear and knocking a curb. bleargh.
instructor told me: "ppl learn manual gear are boys like you! next time can drive taxi earn some extra money"
thanks man.

on a sidenote, friday will be the 7th time i went to hc to chop and certify certs (for me and friends). haha

on a side side note, i took a 3 hr nap today. wth?!

2009-03-27T22:02:00.002+08:00

primary 2 kids are seriously not little kids, they are RASCALS. I had to spend bloody one and a half hours with them and i was honestly counting down the time coz i was really GOING CRAZY. where got teach halfway u come up to me and tug my shirt then ask me if u're correct? wth wth.

primary one class i had was (Y) tho since i taught PASTORAL CARE lol. just talk to them HOW ARE THEY FEELING TODAY. then ask them to colour the face that they feel (like colour happy face yadda) that is fun because they just colour using the damn colour pencils, nv talk to me.

mum scolded me coz apparently during art and craft i nv tell her class to use newspaper, then now the table is super dirty. zzz

today got good news and bad news. after the good news becomes better news i'll post it on the blog.